The First Real Post

I spent all day in my room.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I left the house earlier today to go do something that I was guilted into doing. I didn't want to do it, but I wouldn't hear the end of it from the person involved if I didn't go. Since getting home, though, I've hardly left my room. That was about 7 hours ago.

I haven't put on any music, I haven't put on the TV. I picked up my guitar before and played some songs I wrote months ago, but nothing new came out.

At this point it's too late to do something productive today. I've wasted the entire weekend. Now I have to go through another five days of work before I get another weekend in front of me. I wonder if I'll waste the next weekend, too?

It just seems so impossible to get up and do something. I know I should go work out. I'm 30lbs overweight. As Louis C.K. once joked about - "I'm just cosmetically overweight." I'm still healthy, I just look terrible. I've lost all the fitness achievements I gained last year. I'm exhausted all of the time. In three months I'll have the summer off (yay for being a teacher), and yet part of me thinks it's so far away. It's so freakin' far away. Sometimes I think I won't even make it to the summer. No, I'm not going to kill myself. It just seems like that freedom is so far away that it'll never get here. 

Why am I so whiny?

-T

The Introduction Post

Millions of people suffer from depression.

Many of those people go about their daily lives without anyone else knowing that they're suffering inside. I'm one of those people. I put on my happy, smiling face every day and try to trick people into believing that I'm a normal guy. I have a job, I have a girlfriend, I have a great family, and I have great friends. I have hobbies, I have talents, I have creative outlets. I'm pretty healthy, I'm objectionably handsome, and I'm a genuinely nice person. Yet, every day is a battle. There are times when I feel like everything is going straight downhill. Then, I'll have a good day where I climb back up and reach a new high, only to find that there is a huge drop off. 

This is my way of dealing with depression. I want to look at it right in the face. I want others to see what I'm going through. I want others to see just how destructive depression can be. And for those who are already suffering with depression, I want you to see how irrational your own depression can be sometimes. I hope that I can witness how irrational my depression is, as well.

-T